Quiz: My Mans, What the Fuck Is Up?
Photo by Gage Skidmore / CC BY-SA 2.0
October 13, 2017 at 1:14 am
Holy shit guy, its been way too long! What has it been – two, three? What the fuck is up?
b) I missed ya, bud.
c) It has been exactly 15 days, and I know this because the last time I saw you I was beginning my own personal journey to prove to the world that Donald Trump does not in fact exist and is, in fact, just Alec Baldwin in orange face paint. It feels like Rachel Maddow has all but flown over this central crisis, so I have doubled down on my commitment to unraveling this oozing web of deceit.
Bro, how was your break?
a) Oh, you know how it is. The fam was all there. Drank some tallboys with the lads in my downtime. It was nice just to chill.
b) My guy, the City was fucking fire. The 'rents were at the country house, so the apartment was open for raging. I was straight boolin' in NYC. Nothing like a good city view.
c) Break was reinvigorating, but also drained my soul of all faith I had in humanity. Revelation after revelation, I realized that the man who most of America sees as dangerously ignorant is actually conniving and cunning. When I first saw Trump appear on the live television program, “Saturday Night Live,” I started having my suspicions. My original conclusion was that Alec Baldwin was simply impersonating Donald Trump, but upon further investigation, I came to the conclusion that there is no @realDonaldTrump. The ignorance of the Trump administration is a facade. I’m so close to ripping down this smoke screen.
Nice, my dude. Have you SEEN the new season of "Curb your Enthusiasm?"
a) A little Curb back in my life? I love it. Most people can't appreciate his sardonic wit because they lack the required intelligence. Glad you and I "get it."
b) Nah man, I’m more of a "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" kind of guy, but I acknowledge that I am trash.
c) Complacency in my mind is the equivalent to acting as an accomplice and right now the silence in this country is deafening.
b) Very much not my mans.
c) I’ve followed up on all the reports from the State Department that felt relevant to my investigation. The former star of "The Hunt for Red October" and current star of "The Boss Baby 2" is very much involved in the so-called “Trump” administration. No one has been able to put the pieces together like I have, yet. I’ve become increasingly concerned that Baldwin knows I’m following the leads and I’ve begun to fear for my life. This conversation right here with you could very well be my last.
How’s the grind been?
a) My dude, I’m always on the grind. Keeping it 100 all day and all night.
b) Working hard or hardly working? HA.
c) I haven't quite figured out motives, but the closer I get, the more I feel someone lurking in the shadows, following me. I fear that if I am taken out, my death will be written off by the administration as "fake news." You are my last resort. Tell the press I found concrete proof that 1968 Wharton graduate Donald Trump has been Alec Baldwin all along. Tell the press that the 2009 winner of the Best Depiction of Nudity, Sexuality, or Seduction from the Alliance of Women Film Journalists, Alec Baldwin, is coming for my life. Make sure that you tell them I am a STRONG member of Pantsuit Nation, and that today, and every day, I am very much #withher.
Results: If you chose...
Mostly a) Alright dude, nice catching up. I’m sure I’ll see ya around.
Mostly b) I love ya brah. Hit me up day or night. I’m always here for you, man.
Mostly c) Haha lit, bro. I am also #withher. Nice!