In response to this crisis, Penn has decided to remove all plumbing in DRL until 2028.

As I hobbled down the hallway, I took a quick glance to my left and saw my reflection.

My lightweight rowing team also, suspiciously, is all white. Any group of 5 that I create out of them has no Chinese people in it at all.

I mean, it was a fun sesh, but super? I thought it was pretty standard, all things considered. 

i said i want to luk like liamishel and i want surgury liamishel has and nurs sed ok

It’s incredible how much mental and physical torture five men can inflict in just 18 months.

Witnesses say the suspect was last seen waddling past the library security desk.

“Anyone else smell fish?” asked a concerned bystander.

Ten limp twink bodies found in Huntsman Hall GSR, all identified as Wharton Alliance freshmen pregaming Queer Formal.

Chinese-American student Ariana Grande (C’23) was present at the manifestation of the omen. 

"How can a man love mother nature if they cannot love women?"

He got a FAANG acceptance!

The new curriculum was made possible due to a generous endowment from the Ponzi Foundation.

Penn has been championing interdisciplinary creativity for decades; intertwining gastronomy and gynecology is no exception.

We are very please that despite many of your limitations, you were able to snag a coveted University administration spot, as INTERIM–provisional, temporary, short-term, etc.–Provost. 

אבל כל המסעות חייבים להסתיים שכן רק על ידי הפסקת מסע זה בכלל מסע, אחרת אנחנו מעמידים את עצמנו במצב מתמיד של תנופה, בלי יכולת ליישם את ממצאי המסע שלנו. אָמֵן.

I remember the days when a neighbor was a friend, a jaywalker was a scoundrel, and a woman’s rightful place was in the kitchen. How have we gone so wrong so quickly?

Go P.E.A.S.A.N.T.S!

Wouldn't you wanna know how big your daddy issues for next sem will be?