“I haven’t called someone out by their initials on Sidechat in almost three days! I think I’m going through withdrawal.”

In a time of growing campus unity, someone needed to remind the student body that love is the only answer. Obviously, that someone was me. 

It’s sure to come in first place at this year’s national cum fossil convention.

Is Charlotte the Virgin Mary of aquariums, or just a freaky lil gal...

I’d rather listen to my dentist perform a root canal using some rusty drill

We at UTB have amassed a core set of caring techniques for those with roommates who get no play

She was eating boiled potatoes and some sort of dried fish. Gross. Damn. It was like 10:00am.

Don't worry about the hyperlinks, they're safe to click. I promise. 

When I next put on some groovy flared jeans, I will shake ass. I will party party party till my panties fall down. 

In response to this crisis, Penn has decided to remove all plumbing in DRL until 2028.

As I hobbled down the hallway, I took a quick glance to my left and saw my reflection.

My lightweight rowing team also, suspiciously, is all white. Any group of 5 that I create out of them has no Chinese people in it at all.

I mean, it was a fun sesh, but super? I thought it was pretty standard, all things considered. 

i said i want to luk like liamishel and i want surgury liamishel has and nurs sed ok

It’s incredible how much mental and physical torture five men can inflict in just 18 months.

Witnesses say the suspect was last seen waddling past the library security desk.

“Anyone else smell fish?” asked a concerned bystander.

He did corporate finance, I wrote about instability in the middle east... we are the posterboys for diversity at Penn. <3

Ten limp twink bodies found in Huntsman Hall GSR, all identified as Wharton Alliance freshmen pregaming Queer Formal.