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Report: Student Doesn't Miss Family Dog at All


Photo from PublicDomainPictures.net / CC0

Leaving home is never easy, but it's a whole lot harder when you're saying goodbye to your furry, four-legged best friend, too. At least, that's usually the case.

Wally Canter, a freshman in the College, claims that he doesn't miss his dog— not even a little bit.

"I guess it's kind of liberating not to have to take care of that smelly beast," Canter said, in reference to his family's adorable golden retriever that would do anything for him. "This is the longest I've ever gone without having to deal with dog poop, and I'm loving it."

The Canter family got their dog in 2009, and named him Gumbo in reference to a classic dish from Wally's father's home state of Louisiana. Sources say that Gumbo loves his family, and his family loves him. Except Wally, that is.

"He always follows you around with this dopey look in his eyes," Canter complained, mistaking unconditional love and devotion for simplemindedness. "It's nice to be free from the burden of constantly walking, feeding, and cleaning up after him," he continued. Canter has no idea how to cook, clean, or do laundry, and his mother visits every weekend from a suburb of Philadelphia to take care of his laundry and tidy up his room.

UTB's canine correspondent reached out to Gumbo, who gave us his side of the story.

"I just pretended to like him for the sake our the family," Gumbo explained. "That kid is such a bitch... and not the good kind. I don't miss him, either."