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Guy From Alaska: You Think This Is Cold?


Photo from pxhere / CC0

Davis Orlando (E '19) is a proud Alaskan, and he wants other people to know it.

The Anchorage native has recently been spending his days going for outdoor runs in shorts and t-shirts, while the rest of Penn’s students and staff have been lamenting in the cold. He has recently started making fun of Californians for wearing Canada Goose jackets.

“I don’t know how you can possibly think this is cold. Where I’m from, this isn't even chilly. It's not even cool. How are you sad excuses of people going to survive in the real world?” Orlando asked. Our UTB reporter truly had no answer.

One of Orlando’s roommates, Eric Li (C '19), a Bay Area native, is constantly annoyed with the Alaskan’s antics.

“He always tells me to take off my jacket, and I just tell him to mind his own business. Honestly, though, I don’t even care—at least I’m from the Bay and we have great weather year-round,” Li said.

Orlando, a firm believer in natural selection, reasons that those who cannot deal with the cold are simply inferior. As an Engineering student, his uncanny ability to deal with cold weather is unfortunately one of the only things he has going for him, as far as self-esteem is concerned.

We at UTB, however, do think that it is cold and admit our inferiority.