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New Study Finds That Students Who Put Up Virtual Fireplaces in GSRs are Less Productive


Photo by Lila Gutstein 

Have you ever stress-walked through Huntsman Ground floor, looking for an empty GSR to cram for that Intro to Astrology exam you thought you'd get an easy A on, but turns out it's actually kinda hard, and passed rows of virtual fireplaces on the TV screens in each room? Did you think "Wow, who are these bozos taking up perfectly good GSRs just to sit around and pretend to fucking roast marshmallows around a goddamn fake fire?"

A new study has found that those idiots enjoying a fake billowing flame on a 12-inch television screen are less productive in their GSRs.

The research team isolated several variables, such as the amount of homework completed and the number of pages read, and compared them with the presence or absence of that dumb, useless photo of a campfire in each GSR.

College freshman Katie Wheeler, a self-declared virtual fireplace user, claims that the calming fake flames set a nice ambience and tone for the room. Wheeler also forgot to finish her Math 170 homework assignment last Thursday because she got distracted by the bright orange flicker coming from the front of her GSR.

Further research should examine if other common distractors in GSRs, such as live-streams of basketball games and 3 full course meals from Pod, affect productivity as well.