Freshman Sees No Red Flags When Picking 'E) None of the Above' for Every Question on Final

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There’s no accomplishment that feels as good as studying incredibly hard for a final and then acing it! Amazingly, Alexandra Simons (C '21) felt that same pride, even after answering every question on her exam with "E) None of the above."

This unbelievable feat, accomplished during her Math 104 final exam, required immense amounts of focus, persistence, and false confidence. Immediately after the exam, Simons was heard saying that she “just felt really good about this one.” She did comment on how funny it was that “none of her answers were options,” but otherwise showed no signs of concern.

When asked to comment on the situation, Math department Undergraduate Vice Chair Joe Sterns refused to respond to Simons case directly. However, Sterns did admit, “the answer is never 'E) None of the above.' We just put that on exams to fuck with the students a bit.”

According to a study from the Penn Graduate School of Education, when math students take an exam and don't see their answer listed, 1% will answer "E) None of the above", 14% will retry the problem, and the remaining 85% just pick the closest answer from (A)-(D). But against all odds, Simons rationalized answering 15 diverse calculus problems with "E) None of the above" and still left the auditorium feeling “on top of the world.”

Fellow Math 104 student, Susan Ericson, was deeply concerned for Simmons. “She seems so excited. I don’t know how to tell her all of the answers were actually 'C.'"

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