Sophie’s Choice: Do You Get Blackout at That Random Formal, or Do You Get a Decent Grade on Your Final?
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December 11, 2017 at 10:07 pm
So your roommate set you up with that tall guy Jonah for Omega Alpha Theta Mu Epsilon Alpha Lambda (commonly referred to as Oatmeal) formal. But you also have a final in PHYS320: Quantum Mechanics and Other Difficult Concepts the morning after. Yikes! What should you do?
Well, you have a C+ in the class, and you’ve only been to two full lectures. Three, if you count that time you went but played HQ Trivia the whole time. You don’t even know what your professor’s voice sounds like, tbh. But GPA is just a number right?
And Jonah is so tall! Well, 5 ft 7, but you don’t like heels anyway. And none of your friends have hooked up with him. That's so rare! Except for Kelly one time, but that was so random. Anyway, your roommate Jessica is going with her boyfriend and the four of you would definitely have such a good time! They for sure won’t ditch you 5 minutes into the pregame to hang out with only each other.
On the other hand, this final is worth 79.8% of your overall grade and it’s cumulative. Penn Course Review rates the class a 5.00/4.00 on the difficulty scale, and former students often burst into tears when the phrase “subatomic particles” is uttered within a 10 mile radius of them. If you don't spend the next 16 hours studying, you'll be in big trouble.
But Jonah is soo worth it. Sure, you haven't met Jonah, but what are the chances he’ll be a vain, self-absorbed asshole? Slim to none, probably! Go to the formal, take crazy cool photos with a flaming bottle of vodka, fall in love with Jonah, and then wake up early the next morning to study for the physics final that your future depends on. You knew that's what you were going to do, anyway.