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OP-ED: I'm Definitely the Coolest Kid in This Class


Photo from pxhere / CC0

Hey. So I promise I'm a humble guy and I never usually think or talk this way, but I kind have to say this right now.

I'm definitely the coolest kid in this class.

Like nothing personal to anyone in this seminar, but as kids filtered in today I couldn't help but notice that each was was younger, nerdier, or had worse posture than the last. And, most importantly, than me. And I'm feeling myself right now. I am the undisputed king of Fisher-Bennett 104.

And look, I'm definitely not a particularly handsome or interesting guy. I'm rarely even the coolest guy in the room. It's unlike me to notice this. But right now I can honestly say one thing: I'm the James Dean of HIST-177: 18th Century Eastern European Regional Conflict.

I know it, these dweebs know it, and I think the professor knows it, because he handed me the syllabus first. He knows the biggest dog has gotta eat first. Woof woof baby. He knows these kids respect me. Top of the food chain sitting right here. Feels good. Feels great. I think it's pretty undeniable at this point. I don't think that kid could challenge me for alpha. Neither could that kid. I've finally done it. No where else to climb. I'm going to call my mom. She'll be thrilled.

But while I'm proud of what this current social status and what it grants me, I know I will be humbled by being the least cool kid in my MEAM class tomorrow.