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Newly Religious Student Doesn’t Do Cocaine on Shabbat

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In a show of perspective and piety to be envied and emulated, newly religious Penn student Jacob D. (C '19) refrains from cocaine use on Shabbat.

Jacob, while always a skeptic of his family's religious Jewish background, recently felt an urge to reclaim his religious roots. Although traditional dietary restrictions or regular attendance of religious services are "a little much," Jacob is more than happy to show his newfound religiosity by refraining from hard drugs on Fridays.

"It's the day God rested, so why can't I be expected to do the same?" remarked Jacob.

Jacob, a regular coke user, finds his weekly break from hard drug use "a type of refuge" and a "way feel connected to an ancient tradition in a modern world."

While Jacob's friends find his newfound spirituality "a little goody two shoes" and "intimidating," they ultimately respect his newfound commitment to his religious tradition. "It was weird at first," said one friend, "but he's feeling his religion and I gotta respect it."

"It just wouldn't be respectful to He who made us, who gave us our bodies," said Jacob, "but you know, on any other night it's fair game."

"God's not a fucking nerd," he added.