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Get You a Guy That Does Both! This Frat Brutally Tortures 18-Year-Olds in Their Basement but Also Donates to Susan G. Komen for the Cure


Photo by Philip Larson / CC BY-SA 2.0

The Perfect Guy is hard to find. With social media creating an online idealized version of reality, many people have unrealistic expectations of their significant others. Women expect their significant others to be smart yet fun, funny yet loving, hot yet approachable, dangerous yet sensitive. For most women these ideals are near impossible to find, but for Penn ladies, today is their lucky day. The brothers of Alpha Sigma Sigma, Beta Beta chapter, can do it all. Not only do they torture 18 year olds in their basement, but they also donate to the top-notch breast cancer advocacy and prevention organization, Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

These lovable bad boys consistently lock 18-year-olds, who look up to them, in cages in their basement for hours at a time and force them to drink half handles of vodka in an effort to teach them “their place,” but also are fierce advocates for their female role models fighting one of the toughest fights a woman can face.

Sometimes they even accomplish being destructive and violent while raising money for Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Last year at a pledge event, they raised $400 for the “strongest women in their lives” by letting older brothers pay $5 to punch the impressionable and vulnerable teens in the balls.

We really are the total package,” said senior Jacob Barnard (E '18) outside of Alpha Sigma Sigma’s chapter house. “Its nice to finally find a group of brothers who, like me, have figured out how to do good things to justify really fucked up behavior. It’s a great feeling to find your people.”