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Penn Creates Fund for Donors Implicated in Mueller Investigation


Photo by The White House / Public Domain

In a courageous move, Penn has created a fund for donors implicated in the Mueller Investigation. In an email to the school, President Amy Gutmann announced the fund was created to pay for the legal fees of “those Quakers currently being investigated by Robert Mueller and his team.”

“Due to the many Quakers involved in the Trump Administration, including the President himself and his children, we saw it necessary to step forward in a show of support for our alumni,” read the email. “We trust this will help.”

The fund has been met with some controversy among the Penn student body. Said one College sophomore who wished to remain anonymous, "I, for one, feel a little uneasy about this." Said another current Penn student, "Wait, what the fuck?"

However, The Statesman publication published a ringing endorsement for this morning. And, to top it all off, a Walter Annenberg Bail Bond has just been announced.