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Penn Physics Chair Comes Out as Flat Earther


Photo by geralt / CC0

This Penn Physics Professor didn’t become the chair of his department for nothing. For years, Dr. Louis Rozman toiled away in his lab, unlocking the secrets of the universe through his physics research. Now the head of the graduate research laboratory, Rozman has taken it upon himself to continue searching for answers.

When it comes to Flat Earth theory, however, Rozman isn’t convinced by the counterarguments.

“It would simply be foolish to dismiss a theory with so many followers,” he claims. “Scientific progress is dependent on consideration of clashing beliefs, and it’s imperative that every conjecture receives the examination it deserves. Too quick are we to disregard ideas that don’t align with our own, but I think it’s valuable to entertain theories like Flat Earth.” 

After much deliberation, Rozman decided to come out with his findings. “It’s too risky to conclude. We may very well have a flat Earth, and until a private organization sends satellites into space to photograph the Earth independent from NASA, I won’t believe it.”

Under Rozman’s guidance, will Penn Physics survive the year? Or will it end up like our Fine Arts department?