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​PornHub Offers Premium Service Where Your Neighbor Cranks One Out With His Blinds Open


Photo by Jean Chapiro / The Daily Pennsylvanian

You’re in luck, leering voyeurs. For a small monthly fee, PornHub’s new service will randomly surprise you with someone stroking their salami with their curtains drawn in the building next to yours.

Subscribers of the premium service will see a neighbor enthusiastically pleasure themselves with their blinds open once a day.

PornHub CEO Rod Smutman unveiled the service on their website. “We wanted to give peeping Toms the visceral thrill of seeing someone fondling their privates out of the corner of your eye by surprise,” he said.

Smutman believes the new service will differentiate itself through the variety of ogling experiences it offers. “It could be talkative Dominick from your English seminar fondling his bits in bed,” he said. “Or it might be Bradley, the shy barista, doing the five knuckle shuffle in his silk robe.”

The scopophilic satisfactions of the new service are largely achieved through surprise. “You could be preparing a cup of hazelnut coffee on your Keurig when you see Mario, the talented bassoonist, interrogating his suspect,” Smutman said. “You might be dozing off to sleep, when you take one final look out the window to see the glimmering moon and find enigmatic Dakota from your group project workin’ his gherkin.”