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​Rude! My Roommate Keeps Leaving Her Nipple Clamps in the Dishwasher

She's beautiful, but apparently not for me anymore... P1010082

Clarissa needs to stop.

The first time she did it was OK. We talked about it, smoothed everything over, and it was all good. The second time, I got a little annoyed, but I was sure it was an honest mistake. However, when my dad visited and opened the dishwasher for a fork but instead saw Adam & Eve brand “Fifty Shades of Grey Darker At My Mercy Chained Nipple Clamps,” I lost it.

I am all about sex positivity: I’m not a judgmental person. I even dabble in some risqué activity myself, but things are getting out of control.

It’s not just the nipple clamps. I saw a strap-on harness in the wash, and while I really do like her boyfriend Matt, I don’t want to know his bedroom preferences. Again, it’s not like I’m a prude or anything. I once bought my one friend a Spencer’s vibrator as a gag gift. I’ve been inside sex stores.

Clarissa is just very open about her sex habits, and she does nothing to cover anything up. Last week I saw blood on the counter top by the dishwasher, and I know it’s not from a steak—Clarissa’s a vegan. Where was the blood from, Clarissa? Please tell me. I’m concerned.

I really don’t want to be that roommate who's a control freak about shared spaces. I get that you need to wash your items and do-dads. I guess what I’m trying to say is that, at the very least, please remove the sex swing from the living room.