Natalia Joseph


Articles

Golden Goose Introduces One for One Program: One Pair of Shoes for a One Percent Tax Break for the Wealthy

Golden Goose, a brand for the people, has decided to join the ranks of TOMS and many other altruistic companies. 


4 Carabiners to Let That Guy in Your Econ Lecture Know You're Not Interested

Every gay woman has been there. You're sitting in class, looking aggressively homosexual, and yet apparently not homosexual enough.


Sophomore Creates Spotify Add-on That Automatically Turns on Private Mode When You Listen to 'Mo Bamba' Before 8 P.M.

Embarrassing! Sam Sun’s (C '21) Spotify followers totally saw him bopping to Sheck Wes’s "Mo Bamba" at 10 a.m.! “It helps me wake up,” he protested when asked about these claims.


5 Manly Mountain Bikes to Conquer Potholes on Your Way to United By Blue

Tired of falling off your dinky little road bike every time you hit a Philly street crater?


World-Renowned Guest Lecturer Has Record High Attendance of Students Texting on Laptops

At Penn, guest lectures are often viewed as skip days for that class, or, at the very least, a nap period.


'I Kissed a Girl at a Party Once,' Says Woman Applying to Goldman Sachs Pride Summit

It’s official: Katie Landman (W ’21) is now Penn’s female queer icon.


OP-ED: I Only Fuck High Metabolism Athletes Because They Can Eat More of This Pussy

Look: We are all watching our weight, and some men can’t afford to eat very much of this pussy.


Junior Develops Penn Course Notify but for Mint Pods at Wawa

Because Mint JUUL pods are, objectively, the superior-tasting nicotine delivery mechanism, it is no surprise that these puppies constantly sell out at Penn’s central Wawa.


Mom Makes Sure to Let Her Gay Daughter Know That the Guy Across the Hall Is Super Cute

Even though Kristen Polman (N ’22) came out as gay at the ripe age of 15, her mother, Stacy Polman, sometimes just can’t help herself—especially during this past Parents Weekend.


Freshman Confuses Fall Break as Another Jewish Holiday, Still Goes to Class

Mitchel also reports she was looking forward to a less crowded Hillel lunch, but, to her dismay, the dining hall was closed for the break. In fact, so was every other dining hall on campus.


Wharton Students Score Surprisingly High on Empathy Test

Since 2016, Penn completely overhauled its Wharton 101 curriculum. But a little-known part of this change? All Wharton freshman were required to take an empathy test.


OP-ED: I Got Through 3 Hours of Class Today—I Deserve to Postmates This Meal

Just like my mother, I believe in positive reinforcement. As a kid, when I would come home from school burnt out and tired, she would always make me a snack. It was something to look forward to. It was something that kept me excited to learn.


Quiz: Which One of You Thinks Your Time Is Worth so Much That You Can Leave Your Tupperware in the Sink?

1. Whose dirty Tupperware is in the sink? a. Yeah that’s mine. I was up all night debugging my code. You can’t blame me there bro: school always comes first. But even though I have enough time to meal prep for the next six months, I don’t have the 30 seconds it takes to wash one, singular item of dishware. b. Listen buddy, I was exhausted after my day at OCR. Do you not understand how important the work that I’m doing is? Of course, it’s my Tupperware. But, dude, it’s one extra dish. Just wash it with your stuff. You’re being kind of selfish if you ask me.


This Just In! IPhone's Panorama Mode Saved Jenny from Being Cut out of Group Photo

It started out just like how every group photo does: two ladies taking a photo. Then a third woman inserts herself into the shot. A few more weasel themselves into the growing crowd. Then naturally Brooke thinks to herself, “hey, if Melissa’s in this picture, then why the hell am I standing on the sideline?”


Perry World House Presents: BIDEN @ NOTO

Missing our OG Benjamin Franklin Presidential Practice Professor? Desperately need to check out another downtown on a Tuesday night? Well, you're in luck. Details below:


Schools In! That Means It's Time for Jessica to Confront Her Semi-Exclusive Summer Fling on What the Summer Meant to Him

Uh oh! The drunken haze that is NSO has ended, and now Jessica Talluto (C ’21) must confront her boy-toy of five months, Justin Tan (W ’20), about her inevitable feelings for him.  Well, actually, feelings for him isn’t entirely accurate—that is, if he doesn’t want anything serious with her. She’s “chill” and “down for whatever,” a source close to Talluto reveals.  


Sophomore Says Hi to All Her Acquaintances at Darty, Can Finally Leave

As NSO rolls around, so do all those Facebook darty invites. Of course, Carolina Cortes (C ’21), because she isn’t rude, replied ‘going’ to all of them: to panthers, to gorillas, and, yes, even to scorpions. 



Student has Photo Booth Birds Above Head in Fake ID Picture – Frat Bouncers Still Give him Wristbands

Before arriving at Penn, Seiji Sample (C ’21) had no idea he would need a fake ID, but within the first week he already saw fellow freshmen going in on orders together. Sample, a sensitive soul, had a little trouble finding friends during NSO. As a result, he missed out these orders.


​Crafty Student Puts Avocado on Scantron Sheet to Increase Test's Value

Let’s face it: avocados are expensive. Even if you cook at home, the fruit is $2.00 at the supermarket. So Robison, realizing that avocado as an ingredient increases the value of any food item, decided to apply that same principle to her most recent statistics exam.


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