Plan to be done with all this around 11:00 P.M. That's when we'll be done yelling at you for being new. Expect us to look at our friends for reassurance as we scream at you — we don't know what we're doing!
However, we no longer live in a binary society of bashful woman and charming men. What about the coy gay bottoms and the dashing lesbian tops? What about the couples looking for a third? What about the little pig boys searching for the boots of a goddess to lick?
In a surprising 12 place jump, Williams Hall has beat out Van Pelt and Huntsman Hall in the 2019 Daily Pennsylvanian Safest UPenn Academic Building Rankings.
Maybe I'll name my hedge fund Liger Global. Those names are different enough.
I myself have many friends who have fallen victim to horrible addiction and by no fault of their own. No, it is the large, slimy, money-grubbing corporations that are to blame. They are the ones to profit from the addictive nature of the human body, and these corporate pigs care nothing for the individuals that are affected.
Before I discovered Chez Yasmine, I was appalled by Penn's lack of SABSing locations.
That's when I stumbled into a "State Day" themed party at Beta: I had finally found my people.
Like, we could have just relied on those birth control pills I'm pretty sure you're on.
"As soon as I arrived at Penn, I noticed a disturbing lack of cattle."
Aw, it's adorable that we have a third person sharing our living space. I love waking up and not being able to use the bathroom because you guys are having shower sex.
Golden Goose, a brand for the people, has decided to join the ranks of TOMS and many other altruistic companies.
Every gay woman has been there. You're sitting in class, looking aggressively homosexual, and yet apparently not homosexual enough.
Embarrassing! Sam Sun’s (C '21) Spotify followers totally saw him bopping to Sheck Wes’s "Mo Bamba" at 10 a.m.! “It helps me wake up,” he protested when asked about these claims.
Tired of falling off your dinky little road bike every time you hit a Philly street crater?
At Penn, guest lectures are often viewed as skip days for that class, or, at the very least, a nap period.
It’s official: Katie Landman (W ’21) is now Penn’s female queer icon.
Because Mint JUUL pods are, objectively, the superior-tasting nicotine delivery mechanism, it is no surprise that these puppies constantly sell out at Penn’s central Wawa.
Even though Kristen Polman (N ’22) came out as gay at the ripe age of 15, her mother, Stacy Polman, sometimes just can’t help herself—especially during this past Parents Weekend.
Mitchel also reports she was looking forward to a less crowded Hillel lunch, but, to her dismay, the dining hall was closed for the break. In fact, so was every other dining hall on campus.
Since 2016, Penn completely overhauled its Wharton 101 curriculum. But a little-known part of this change? All Wharton freshman were required to take an empathy test.