"As soon as I arrived at Penn, I noticed a disturbing lack of cattle."
Aw, it's adorable that we have a third person sharing our living space. I love waking up and not being able to use the bathroom because you guys are having shower sex.
Golden Goose, a brand for the people, has decided to join the ranks of TOMS and many other altruistic companies.
Every gay woman has been there. You're sitting in class, looking aggressively homosexual, and yet apparently not homosexual enough.
Embarrassing! Sam Sun’s (C '21) Spotify followers totally saw him bopping to Sheck Wes’s "Mo Bamba" at 10 a.m.! “It helps me wake up,” he protested when asked about these claims.
Tired of falling off your dinky little road bike every time you hit a Philly street crater?
At Penn, guest lectures are often viewed as skip days for that class, or, at the very least, a nap period.
It’s official: Katie Landman (W ’21) is now Penn’s female queer icon.
Because Mint JUUL pods are, objectively, the superior-tasting nicotine delivery mechanism, it is no surprise that these puppies constantly sell out at Penn’s central Wawa.
Even though Kristen Polman (N ’22) came out as gay at the ripe age of 15, her mother, Stacy Polman, sometimes just can’t help herself—especially during this past Parents Weekend.
Mitchel also reports she was looking forward to a less crowded Hillel lunch, but, to her dismay, the dining hall was closed for the break. In fact, so was every other dining hall on campus.
Since 2016, Penn completely overhauled its Wharton 101 curriculum. But a little-known part of this change? All Wharton freshman were required to take an empathy test.
Just like my mother, I believe in positive reinforcement. As a kid, when I would come home from school burnt out and tired, she would always make me a snack. It was something to look forward to. It was something that kept me excited to learn.
1. Whose dirty Tupperware is in the sink? a. Yeah that’s mine. I was up all night debugging my code. You can’t blame me there bro: school always comes first. But even though I have enough time to meal prep for the next six months, I don’t have the 30 seconds it takes to wash one, singular item of dishware. b. Listen buddy, I was exhausted after my day at OCR. Do you not understand how important the work that I’m doing is? Of course, it’s my Tupperware. But, dude, it’s one extra dish. Just wash it with your stuff. You’re being kind of selfish if you ask me.
It started out just like how every group photo does: two ladies taking a photo. Then a third woman inserts herself into the shot. A few more weasel themselves into the growing crowd. Then naturally Brooke thinks to herself, “hey, if Melissa’s in this picture, then why the hell am I standing on the sideline?”
Missing our OG Benjamin Franklin Presidential Practice Professor? Desperately need to check out another downtown on a Tuesday night? Well, you're in luck. Details below:
Uh oh! The drunken haze that is NSO has ended, and now Jessica Talluto (C ’21) must confront her boy-toy of five months, Justin Tan (W ’20), about her inevitable feelings for him. Well, actually, feelings for him isn’t entirely accurate—that is, if he doesn’t want anything serious with her. She’s “chill” and “down for whatever,” a source close to Talluto reveals.
As NSO rolls around, so do all those Facebook darty invites. Of course, Carolina Cortes (C ’21), because she isn’t rude, replied ‘going’ to all of them: to panthers, to gorillas, and, yes, even to scorpions.
Before arriving at Penn, Seiji Sample (C ’21) had no idea he would need a fake ID, but within the first week he already saw fellow freshmen going in on orders together. Sample, a sensitive soul, had a little trouble finding friends during NSO. As a result, he missed out these orders.