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Natalia Joseph


Articles

8 Easy Classes You Can Take Senior Fall Because You Dropped a CU Every Semester

You thought that dropping a class in the middle of a party, because you didn't want to study for the midterm, was funny. You thought that it was a party trick. It became your party trick. 


4 Date Night Date Options That Are All Just You Making Out With Your Gay Friend

Alex is also the type to spend a lot of time going to the bar and the bathroom, giving you ample time to lock lips with that gay friend of yours. So fun!


Student Graduates With Penn GPA 2.7, Sims 4 University of Britechester GPA 4.0

"I'm really setting myself up well for a high-paying critic career or maybe even one as a style influencer."


Pennsylvania to Go Red After International Student Gets His U.S. Citizenship

Baker, who refused to concentrate in business analytics in order to focus on finance and real estate, applied for  citizenship in order to stay at Blackstone in New York for a little longer, but little did he know he would now be able to vote as well!


Wharton Woman Makes Very Important Business Call

"Michael? Michael? What's the portfolio looking like?"


OP-ED: My Girlfriend Broke up With Me, Does Anyone Want to Buy the Lingerie I Got Her for Valentine's Day?

Selling for $20. What a steal, right! Right? Please tell me this is right. Please. Someone hold me. It's so hard sleeping alone.


Penn Students Agree: Best Way to Heal an Infection Is to Let It Fester for a Couple Weeks

Jasmine Ling (C '20), who received a fingernail-bed infection this winter, "doesn't mind that it hurts to type or to even tie [her] shoes. The body takes care of these things."


Stinky Pig Girl (Me) Loves to Eat From Trough

I'm a stinky little pig girl who drank too much, and now I need some one to fill my trough up to its brim. 


Penn Regular Admission Sees Stand-Out Class, Mainly My Little Sister

Joseph, a high school student with an average 5k time, is one of 10 top students in her 80-person private school class. On top of that, she did research at Penn—and not even for a family friend. 


For Every Goose Canada Goose Kills They Vow to Plant a New One

Canada Goose hopes this will contribute to both stopping climate change and the bad press from PETA. 


Penn to Get Serious About Bio Pond Skunk Infestation

Dealing with animal infestations has never been one of Penn's top priorities; however, the skunk infestation at the Bio Pond is simply getting out of hand. "Every time you walk through the area, it just reeks!" one biology professor complained. "Enough of us professors got together and told the University that it had to do something. We can't work on a campus like this."


Letter from Amy Gutmann: What Is the Netter Center?

For this reason, I am asking you, the students, to inform me, Amy Gutmann, about a new program that Penn has very recently implemented. I am, of course, asking about the Netter Center mindset that has taken over the campus. Students, I hear you. This Netter Center building is important to you. I would love to know why.


Hey, Does Anyone Know When Photos from the Chestnut Hill Potter Festival Are Coming Out?

Is it too much to ask for some high-quality pictures of me playing quidditch in the heart of historic Chestnut Hill?


Ok Boomer! Bouncer Won’t Allow Poppers on the Dance Floor

I'll just go buy a drink instead. Excited to join the alcoholic boomer masses.


Under the Button Endorses Voting in General Election but 2 Days Too Late

Under the Button is taking a stance! Penn, we implore you, go to the polls!


Bloomers Show Fails to Pass the Bechdel Test

That's all good and well, but, despite an all-female cast, the Bloomers show failed to pass the Bechdel Test. Even though every actress on stage was a woman, every skit was centered around a man, his penis, and how that penis potentially might be shrunken down to nothing.


BREAKING: Meet at the Tampons for Some Club Hazing

Plan to be done with all this around 11:00 P.M. That's when we'll be done yelling at you for being new. Expect us to look at our friends for reassurance as we scream at you — we don't know what we're doing! 


Bumble App to Only Let Bottoms Message First

However, we no longer live in a binary society of bashful woman and charming men. What about the coy gay bottoms and the dashing lesbian tops? What about the couples looking for a third? What about the little pig boys searching for the boots of a goddess to lick?


Williams Hall Ranked Safest Building on Campus

In a surprising 12 place jump, Williams Hall has beat out Van Pelt and Huntsman Hall in the 2019 Daily Pennsylvanian Safest UPenn Academic Building Rankings. 


Finance Bros Agree: Tiger Is a Sick Name for a Hedge Fund

Maybe I'll name my hedge fund Liger Global. Those names are different enough.


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