Junior’s Shopping List Just Ingredients for Scrambled Eggs

Despite a wide selection of locally-available ingredients, College junior Heather Carrol’s grocery shopping list this week included only the items needed for scrambled eggs. Sources close to Carrol say that this list has not changed in years.

“I opened my refrigerator and took inventory of the items I would need,” said Carrol. “I noticed that the refrigerator was empty, so I added eggs to the list.”

Carrol describes herself as an “avid cook” who is proficient in “eggs.” Occasionally, she will toast some bread as a side dish, but working on two foods at once is “challenging.”

Her roommates claim that once Carrol is finished cooking the eggs, she places the pan in the sink and fills it with soapy water to “soak.” One roommate guesses it is “just too fucking hard” for Carrol to wipe down the pan with a sponge and place it in the drying rack.

“I’ll get to it later,” Carrol explained, lying.