Seth Fein


Course Evaluations from 2005 Almost Fully Reviewed, Changes Incoming

According to this statement, the roughly 40,000 evaluations were assigned to Steven Fitzgerald, a former student intern at Penn’s Center for Teaching and Learning. 

Smokes Hosts 21st Birthday Celebration for 3-Year Regular

No longer would she have to fret as the bouncers inspected her fake, which they would hold up to the light while they asked for the capital of Delaware.

Penn Agrees to Pay Elves Who Manually Coordinate Course Registration $15 an Hour

Progressives around campus are applauding Penn for finally agreeing to compensate the elves who manually coordinate course registration with $15 an hour for their work.

Study: Extent of Students' Activism Directly Equivalent to How Much They Post on Facebook

The findings support previous research which concluded that students value “clout” roughly 10 times more than social impact.

Poli Sci 001 Student Fucking Pumped to Scream Political Theory at Family During Thanksgiving

"Just wait until I bust out John Locke’s social contract theory after Uncle Jeffrey tries to argue about illegal immigration."

Freshman Realizing Signing Year-Long Lease with Essential Strangers Might Have Been a Bit Hasty

“There was a lot of pressure to sign the lease before November,” Rodriguez said.

Student Voter Turnout at Record Low After Postmates Discontinues Ballot Delivery

The service would pick up and drop off ballots for students for only $9.99, traveling distances as far as 0.2 miles (the furthest any student is from a polling location).

Thoughtful Roommate Leaves Dirty Pan Out for Next User

Local hero Dana Klein (C ’20) had both the environment and her roommate’s wellbeing in mind last Thursday when she left her dirty pan on the stove after cooking a somehow-burnt batch of scrambled eggs.

OP-ED: Please Send Me Your Answers to the Homework (So I Can Compare)

Hey, friend. I see you’ve finished the problem set due tomorrow.

Embarrassing: Over Half of Penn English Majors Can’t Spell 'Schuylkill'

A recent survey conducted by the Penn English Department found that over half of their undergraduate majors could not spell “Schuylkill,” a finding which calls into question the quality of education English majors receive at the school.

McAvocado Toast Last Nail in Gentrification Coffin

Like if you didn't McSee that one coming!

College of Arts and Sciences Receives Generous Donation of 1995 Windows PC

In an unprecedented display of charity, an anonymous donor has gifted the College of Arts and Sciences a 23-year-old Windows computer—the largest gift in the school’s history.

Dudes at Pregame Really Impressing Everyone by Drinking Night Before Exam

Constantly reminding all those in attendance of his impending midterm, Wharton junior Daniel Evans was the star of the pregame last Thursday, dazzling peers with his incredible display of courage, mental fortitude, and clear-cut decision making.

Uh Oh: New LinkedIn Feature Will Flag Your Headshot If You’re Naked from the Waist Down

The days of partially-nude headshots are over. Thanks to a recent LinkedIn update, you can no longer annoy that one friend with a fancy camera to snap 60 identical photos of you outside Huntsman in your best blazer while completely naked from the waist down.

PennApps' New Shower Stations Go Unused

In response to the overwhelming stench which wafted through the hallways of the Towne building during PennApps 2017, this year’s organizers decided to place fully-functional shower booths at each corner of the event space. Surprising to nobody but unfortunate to many, these booths remained empty for the entire weekend.

All NSO Events Preemptively Moved to HUP Emergency Room

Citing low attendance in years past to mandatory New Student Orientation events, the University announced Monday that all events this year will be held at its hospital’s emergency room. The move is part of an effort to make attending NSO events more convenient for freshmen.

Internships Expose Students to Full-Time Employment—‘This Sucks,’ Say Students

"How was I supposed to know I can’t just skip? Apparently, they take attendance every day. Total buzzkill."

Decision to Not Grab Napkins With Food Proving to Be Big Mistake

With hot sauce dripping down his hands and onto his lap, Engineering sophomore William Morris is beginning to realize that his decision to forgo napkins with his food truck burrito was a big mistake.

Friend With Radio Show Really Wants You to Listen to Terrible Song

“Yo, check this out,” he messages you. “Up-and-comer for sure.”