Answer choices include the red triangle, blue diamond, yellow circle, and green square.

“Some of these guys have never roller skated before. We’ll have to start from the basics: cones, training wheels — hell, I may roll behind some of them holding their hips during games.”

Onlookers report that Gutmann strutted into the Tropicana casino Saturday night and barreled straight to the roulette table, saying, "I'll put the Class of 2024's financial aid on red, please."

Uh oh! You've been logged out of your iCloud account. But no worries — of course you know your password. Or do you? Take this quiz to find out!

The Pew Research Center has completed a landmark study which found that over half of Americans say “pew pew” when firing an imaginary gun, with “pew pew pew” and “pew” coming in second and third respectively.

The Mask and Wig Club, a private club in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, founded in 1889, is the oldest all-male collegiate musical comedy troupe in the United States. Here is an inside look into the minds behind the production. 

Last night at dinner, I was having my son Daniel reenact bits by my favorite stand-up comedians, and let me tell you: he was a riot. He performs them perfectly, just like Jerry Seinfeld. Daniel's grandmother and I could not stop laughing! 

Attempts to reschedule the meeting have not proceeded smoothly. Lin has an exam on Wednesday, so she can’t spare any time before then for some reason, and reports that the other group member can’t meet anytime other than 1:30-2:00 A.M. on February 3rd, 2020.

The grandparents of Jacob Fitzman (C ’23) gleamed with pride when their precious grandson informed them that he was currently participating in advanced registration for Spring classes. In only a matter of minutes, the entire Fitzman family had received calls to hear the news.

“Factor? I barely know her!” After receiving no audible response, he boldly tried again, this time louder for the whole class to hear.

Last Thursday night, in a discussion about plans for the future among his hall, Perry Yates (C ’23) of Dayton, Ohio confidently declared that he was pursuing a career in urology. Other students expressed interest in finance or social work, but Yates seemed to be dead set on urology. Hm. Kind of weird.

The first night of NSO my freshman year, I went to a hot, sweaty frat party. Then, I had sex with someone I met at that party. I had sex with that person because they found me attractive, and this person was not alone. 

A select group of high-achieving, outgoing, white, male second years would be selected to board with Gutmann and her husband in their 13,975 square-foot house on Walnut. This would allow Gutmann to show solidarity with the sophomores, who must now overpay for a shared room with a hotel kitchenette.

Located in a converted bar, this place has it all: beer, wine. Sometimes people. But that doesn't really matter because you're not going to go.

The sidewalk biker is especially devastating to urban areas, disrupting pedestrian flow and increasing the risk of getting your foot run over on the way to class.

The five-minute conversation consisted of Reed playfully arguing with the four male students in the front row while the rest of the class watched.

Hm, you think. This sounds familiar, and they're not very good.

"We do not believe that Wax's opinions exceed our threshold for racist beliefs held and expressed publicly by faculty," the Administration stated.

You haven’t even glanced at that material since the night before the first midterm. Hell, you haven’t glanced at the new material either, so now you’re doubly screwed.