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'I Can't Find Love,' Complains Student Who Ghosts Everyone She's Ever Slept With

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Valentine's Day makes Sara Conway (C '21) sick.

"It just reminds me of how difficult it is to find a real relationship at this school," said Conway. "The hookup culture here is so toxic."

Conway, since breaking up with her long-term boyfriend in the fall, has had twelve different sexual partners since her first semester at Penn. She has not texted a single one of them back.

"I just hate how guys treat girls like they're disposable. And not just at Penn – millennial dating culture is just so patriarchal, even if it's not 'traditional,'" she sighed, swiping through Tinder.

"Guys only want one thing. I'm so sick of it," she complained. "I can't find love."

As of press time, a text showed up from "Andy" reading: "Had a really good time last night! You seem cool, would love to hang out again sometime :)"

"Ew," Conway said, disgusted. "What a clinger."