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OP-ED: I May be Wearing a Cow Suit to Class Everyday but It Isn't a Pledge Thing, I am an Actual Bovine


From Pixabay / CC0

Hi guys. Yeah, I know, I know. It's that time of year and there are dumb kids doing all sorts of shenanigans to gain the approval of others. But my cow suit is not to be part of a superficial brotherhood. I have no interest in your cults to binge drinking and public humiliation. No, my friends, I suck at the teat of something that is much bigger than all of us. I am a Cow. 

I get it. That day that I burst into SPAN 110, out of breath and saying, "Hola Profesor, soy un toro," might have seemed like something that a fraternity would force upon human pledges in their twisted ceremonies. But no, my friends, I said that because "Soy un toro. Me llamo Michael y soy un toro. Encantado, mucho gusto."  

I am a longhorn from Texas. I enjoy cud and dislike being tipped over by miscreants. I study Electric Engineering and hope to return to cattle lands to de-electrify the fences back home. My best friend on campus is a banana.  

This is me, Michael, just saying hey. Feel free to reach out if you see me around campus, but please don't ask if I make milk or know the Chick-fil-a cows. Those are such clichés. I'm happy to grab a beer or coffee with new folks. Please don't moo at me. Just stop it, guys.