Giving Back: This Wharton Senior’s Cocaine Habit Keeps Global Economy Afloat
Photo by Valerie Everett / CC BY-SA 2.0
February 20, 2018 at 4:40 am
Julia Levitt (W '18) may be a finance major, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care about people.
"I'm a big advocate for social impact," said Levitt, twitching. "Major advocate. HUGE!"
Each week, Levitt spends an inordinate sum of money on cocaine. In fact, she admits that over the past year, she's spent nearly all of her $1.5 billion trust fund on drugs.
"Yeah, it's CRAZY," she yelled, eyes frenzied. "I don't know! I guess my tolerance is just super high! It's crazy! I shouldn't even be alive," she boasted in between fits of maniacal laughter. "It's insane. ABSOLUTELY INSANE," she shrieked, before punching a hole into the nearest wall.
Though her lifestyle has taken a toll on both her mind and body, Levitt claims she has her reasons.
"I'm totally not addicted," she rambled, shaking her head vigorously as she nursed her bleeding knuckles. "TOTALLY not addicted. Even if I were addicted it wouldn't be a big deal because I can totally stop whenever I want but it's not a problem because I'm NOT AN ADDICT. I do it for the motherfucking SOCIAL IMPACT," she insisted with alarming speed.
"My coke budget pumps $money$ into the world economy, motherfuckers." (Editor's note: Julia literally said "dollar sign money dollar sign" in our interview with her). She expanded: "If my coke budget were a country, it would be pretty goddamn well-off. You know why I do what I do? Because I'm a GIVER! BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT PEOPLE," she howled as her nostrils began hemorrhaging. "I'm going into cardiac arrest right now. I'm a fucking HERO!"
Levitt's contributions will certainly not go unnoticed by the Penn community. Talk about giving back!