Under the Button is part of a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.

Wow! This Guy Really Knows How to Network, But Happens to Suck as a Person

Business man in suit ready for meeting

Sam O’Neal (W ’21) takes pride in his networking abilities. He has read How to Win Friends and Influence People seven times now, and it has clearly paid dividends. The Finance concentrator has already lined up an internship at Goldman Sachs, and he claims that he’s just getting started.

“The kid is a total stud and has a much better knack for business than his older peers,” a recruiter told us.

To many recruiters, it may seem like O’Neal is a wholesome and likable guy. Yet it just so happens that he’s a total jerk. Shocking! Many of his classmates believe he lacks empathy and is just, for lack of a better term, “an asshole.”

“He might be the worst roommate ever. He always belittles my accomplishments and boasts that he can handle the business side for my startup,” Jay Rosen (E ’21) said.

Even a professor acknowledged that O’Neal kinda sucks. “I always see him laughing at the back of the room at his classmates’ questions. What a douche,” Professor Harrison Roberts said.

Sure, O’Neal might not be a nice guy, but we at UTB commend O’Neal on his abilities to manipulate all of these naive recruiters. It’s only a matter of time before he manipulates the markets too.