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Penn men's basketball 2018 season in review | Wow, you guys are tall


Zach Sheldon | Flophouse Proprietor

After a thrilling Penn men’s basketball season that ended with an Ivy conference championship and a trip to the NCAA tournament, I can only say one thing: wow, you guys are tall.

Like huge. Geez.

Indeed, after a thrilling championship game against Harvard that ended with a heroic performance from sophomore AJ Brodeur, the Penn community can only thank you for your commitment to your sport and your school and then ogle at your freakish height and gangly bodies.

The Kansas game was an absolute thriller, and we put up a heck of fight against a Power 5 School, but the game also provided normal people a chance to be truly wowed by the odd proportions of 6’10’’ teens. I could even tell that you guys were tall on my TV when I watched the game. How cool was it that you were on TV, by the way? Did you think it was cool? I did.

And also, you were fast. Wow, so fast.

I mean seriously, at what age did you guys figure out you would have to duck to get into doorways? Or drive cars with your knees?

Do you guys drive cars with your knees? Do you guys drive normal cars? You do? I stand corrected.

But you must have to, like, shop at a special store or whatever, right? For clothes? That’s crazy. Do you have to special order shoes for bigger sizes? That’s what I heard Shaq does.

Man. Crazy. So tall.

Yeah, though, Penn basketball, 18-13, 12-2 in conference play, really great season guys. Just, wow. First conference title in 11 years. Seriously, congrats, that’s something to be proud of.

But actually, how’s the weather up there! Haha! Get it? Nah, just playin’, no worries, you guys are cool. 

But do you get it, though?

Anyways, fantastic performance this season guys, and looking forward to the spring. I can’t wait for the opportunity to once again be grossed out by the massive forearms of Penn baseball.