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OP-ED: Hi, I Went to Your High School and Everything on the Internet Is True


Photo from pxhere / CC0

Hey, haven’t seen you since graduation, but I hope you don’t mind me sharing this article on your Facebook timeline about the OBAMAS donating $10 MILLION in supplies to ISIS! Have you seen this shit? Some words are in all capital letters so it must be important.

I have to browse the internet in between shifts at my family’s restaurant to stay sane. Check out this other article from the page “High-IQ Millennials.” Did you that know the cure to cancer has been found, but because cancer is a billion-dollar industry, the government keeps it hidden under Paul McCartney’s corpse?

By the way, if anyone needs a babysitter, I’m almost CPR-certified and I watch Dr. Oz regularly. I'll also give you free parenting advice (don't vaccinate).

Here's a funny meme about liberals. Also, isn’t it funny how taxes are a penalty for being a productive member of society, while welfare is a reward for being lazy? Once I get a real job, I’ll be angry about taxes. Don't forget to share this article if you support the troops. 

Hope to see you at our 5-year reunion! Catch me in the Juicy sweatpants with cigarette burns.