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Man Books GSR to Eat Chipotle and Stare at the Wall; God Immediately Damns Him to Hell


Photo (with edits by Sammy Gordon) by Kefit / CC0 and David Teniers the Younger

An unidentified man recently booked a Group Study Room on the ground floor of Huntsman Hall to eat his Chipotle bowl and stare at the wall.

Those around him watched in horror as he literally did nothing, not even watch Netflix or scroll on his phone. He just sat there, eating and staring straight ahead, completely motionless. Also watching in horror was God, who immediately damned this man to Hell.

“I was just like, ‘Who the fuck does that?’” said God in a statement to the UTB. “People who could really use that room are probably sitting in some loud, crowded study space when they could be in that room. I realized this guy probably had no redeeming qualities (but in all honesty I didn’t really check lol) so I took the liberty of damning him to Hell.”