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OP-ED: Not to Be a Conceited Bitch, But My Twitter Is Incredible


Photo from Pixabay / CC0

I know there are like, probably a million Gandhi or Abraham Lincoln quotes about humility and stuff, and I generally consider myself a pretty humble person. But when it comes to my Twitter? I know that I’m well above average.

Let me put it this way. Most of the people I follow on Twitter are people from high school, and they're just as obnoxious and vanilla on Twitter as they are on Facebook. The number of "touch my butt and buy me pizza" and "I only love my bed and my mama, I'm sorry" tweets a girl sees in one day is infuriating. And the people from Penn aren't much better. Just look at Trump. John Legend gets a pass, but only because of how amazing Chrissy Teigen is. 

My Twitter, though? Iconic. And everyone knows it. I've gone viral several times (6 of my tweets have gotten more than 15 likes), and I've even seen someone scrolling through my Twitter in class once, too. One of my favorite hobbies is flaming people on Twitter until they block me. Last year, I sent Dean Furda a series of mildly aggressive tweets because my brother didn't get admitted (we come from a family with triple legacy). The next day, we made eye contact on Locust, and he called security to get me as far away from him as quickly as possible because I had supposedly "threatened to take a shit on his front doorstep and feed his cats laxatives." I think that just goes to show how influential my Twitter presence can be. 

Oh, and if you thought my Twitter was impressive, just wait until you see my MySpace.