OP-ED: I Demand That The Class Board Provide a Boneless Hey Day Hat

I think it’s high time that we resolve one of the few issues ruining an otherwise idyllic lead-up to Hey Day 2018. Class Board 2019 claims to be trying to unify the junior class under one big family, but their pathetic set of Hey Day hat options is telling a totally different story. I found it wildly inconsiderate that they didn’t even try to accommodate students’ dietary restrictions, but honestly, the lack of a boneless hat choice is the biggest slap in the face. All I want is a medium-rare hat, sans tibia, but it looks like this year I’m all out of luck.

In a desperate search for some answers, I sent the administration an email voicing my complaints and demanding that something be done to fix the gross negligence being put on display, but I was simply told, “Understandable, have a nice day.” It’s honestly heartbreaking that the University can claim to be invested in student wellness while at the same time doing absolutely nothing to handle one of the most serious issues on campus.

I want to be able to rest assured that when I take that first big juicy bite of Styrofoam that’ll probably end up in a trash vortex in the Pacific Ocean by the time I graduate, I won’t choke on a big old hat bone. But thanks to Penn, I might as well be leaving my life up to a coin toss.