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Penn Tour Group Has Already Become a Status Obsessed Hell


DP File Photo

According to inside sources, a Penn tour group that had been on campus just twenty minutes has already devolved into a status obsessed hell.

Comprised of prospective Penn students and their families, the group immediately began hurling humblebrags, SAT scores, and the names of New York prep schools at each other like $30,000 a year hand grenades.

The group's awkward 30-person conversation was initiated by two parents discussing where their children attended high school, which was in turn interpreted by another parent as a challenge to her child.

"Everybody just started screaming AP Scores at each other," reported one witness. "It was pretty sad. By the way, I did get a 5 on AP Lit, thanks for asking!"

Every question asked by a parent throughout the tour would be prefaced by a long statement about their child's academic achievements, which would then be loosely tied to a question about the meal plan.

"It was obviously a little weird at first," said one touring student. "But we walked past a group of Penn students screaming about how many hours of sleep they got last night and we knew we'd be right at home here."