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Who Did Amy G Pay for That Fling Weather?


Photo (with edits by Becky Molinoff) by Bryan Y.W. Shin / CC BY-SA 3.0

I mean, we know the girl’s got a lot of cash, but how much did Amy Gutmann shell out for the gorgeous weather during fling? Like seriously, there’s no way that was natural. Friday and Saturday were sunny with temperatures reaching the 80’s, smack in the middle of disgusting weather the Thursday before and the Sunday after. And since Obama is no longer the president, we know that the government has stopped spending money trying to simulate “global warming” — so this weekend must have been au naturale. That is, unless Amy G pulled some strings and did some persuading (see: money).

UTB did some research to get to the bottom of what we’re now calling Weathergate. We started by looking into Amy's contacts and figuring out who could have pulled off a stunt like this. Of course, there’s her connection to Hillary Clinton, but we think it’s unlikely that Hillz has the weather technology to make this happen. We know that Ames has connections within the FBI, since she served on the National Security Higher Education Advisory Board (a committee that advises the FBI on national security issues relating to academia), at least according to an information on an unreliable website we found. We imagine that this is the route Gutmann most likely took, and we estimate that approximately 65% of the students’ tuition was spent on the deal. After all, our tuition money is certainly not being spent on anything important.