Under the Button is part of a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.

Heartbreaking: "Serial Entrepreneur" Suffering Withdrawal After Not Starting a Fake Company in the Past Two Weeks


Photo from Pixabay / CC0

Some people just can't handle the business side.

Maurice Goldberg knows a thing or two about companies. Some would even say he knows three or four things about companies. That's right - Goldberg is an entrepreneur. Though he's not just your ordinary entrepreneur; Goldberg is a serial entrepreneur. 

When he opened his first lemonade stand at the age of 4, Goldberg knew that he was bound to become a true business mogul. Within years, he had claimed to be the "CEO, Co-Founder, and President" of over a dozen companies. By the age of 18, Goldberg was creating flashy logos, hiring people to make him fancy websites, and regularly commenting on the LinkedIn posts of Gary Vaynerchuk and Mark Cuban (as all true entrepreneurs do).

Goldberg's countless fake ventures and even more fake awards have caused him to garner a significant following, notably on LinkedIn. A self-proclaimed "influencer" and "business tycoon," Goldberg regularly posts his thoughts on the social media platforming, commenting on groundbreaking matters like "synergy" and "brand equity".

Unfortunately, he seems to be suffering a serial slump. Goldberg has reached his longest company-less streak of all time, having gone almost 15 days without starting a new, fake company.

"It's been really, really tough," remarked Goldberg, shedding a tear as he reluctantly scrolled through his LinkedIn profile, now barren with merely 37 active companies for which he is the CEO. "I'm losing LinkedIn connections by the second and all of my friends who write for The Odyssey Online have stopped interviewing me."

Goldberg cites "entrepreneur's block" as the cause of this heartbreaking impasse in his career. "I've pretty much maxed out any entrepreneurial idea you could imagine. I own Uber for dogs, Uber for vasectomies, and even Uber for Lyft. What else could I possibly come up with?!" 

Though the soon-to-be college dropout has yet to make any profits off of his countless ventures, hopefully this impasse will strike inspiration for his next, groundbreaking LinkedIn update.