Soon to be Failing Freshman Bothered that A+'s Count as Much as A's

When Jamie Chen’s (C ‘22) high school friends told her that grades weren’t a substitute for a personality, she took it as a challenge. Set to enter Penn with a perfect transcript, Chen noticed something horrifically disturbing about the University’s grading policy.

“How am I going to stand out,” snapped Chen, who would soon buckle under the combined weight of Econ 001, Math 104, Soci 001 and a writing seminar, “if I have to settle for getting straight-As?”

“I can’t imagine having to graduate with a GPA of 4.0,” muttered the freshman who would indeed finish freshman year with a 4.0 (after adding her semester GPAs together).

“I heard Jamie’s planning a hunger strike,” sighed her roommate, who would become increasingly responsible for Chen’s academic well being over the course of the term. “I think she’s working too hard on this [something I will never say again].”

At press time, sources indicated that Chen would be skipping all classes that didn’t offer AP credit.

“How else am I supposed to get into, uh,” she wondered, “whatever comes after this?"