Srinivas Mandyam


Articles

"I Hate My Life" Complains Student Experiencing Best 4 Years of Her Life

Despite living minutes from her friends, enjoying her first experiences with drugs and alcoholic substances, and being at the highest level of fitness she will ever achieve, Raymond is often found angrily tweeting about her situation.


Penn Admissions Officers Retire en Masse to Avoid 10 Years of Reading Oscar Hopefuls’ Essays

We’ll probably have to close Engineering and Nursing and just dump the endowment on Cinema Studies.


OP-ED: All Penn Alumni Should Put Their Kids up for Adoption

Many believe that the bond between parent and child is sacred and foundational to our society. However, this sort of myopic, me-first viewpoint endangers the very bedrock of equality and justice.


Average SAT Admit Score Jumps to 3750 Following Announcement of Fact Checking Policy

This impressive figure surely comes as a relief to the Admissions department after they embarrassingly disclosed that they’re unable to fact-check most applications.


Wholesome! Entire Friend Group Pretending to Be Sad and Stressed to Make Friend Feel Better

We convinced him that we’re all going to be somewhere between homeless and disowned after graduation. I think Mattie’s got this great story about a felony conviction.


25 Percent of Students Eat at Franklin's Table. Penn Should Cover Costs.

I didn’t even realize how big a deal it was until I saw everyone else carrying those tenderly mass-produced DK bento boxes around campus. 


'I Hate Glass Ceilings' Notes Student Who Spends Free Time Calling Amy Gutmann a Robot

Sammie Tomson (C ‘19) is committed to shattering artificial barriers to success. She’s also deeply dedicated to exposing Dr. Amy Gutmann for the fraud she is.


Prank Stabbing in Fisher Fine Arts Just Leads to Irritated Shushing Noises

Last Friday, visitors to the Fisher Fine Arts Library found themselves at the center of a terrifying confrontation.


'Take Your Professor to Lunch' Victim? Popular Professor's Diet is Now 85% Pod Sushi

Most professors covet a 4.0 rating on Penn Course Review. Dr. Eric Malor wishes he could get rid of his.


'I Feel Like I Peaked in High School' Complains Student Who Peaked in Middle School

Starved of validation for the first time in her life, she’s beginning to wonder how much she really deserves to be at Penn.


OP-ED: I'm Passionate About Math, Unless I Get a B on This Midterm

Really, you just need to put yourself out there. Try new things! As long as you can keep your 4.0, the world’s your oyster.


Meal Prep God! Girl Puts 7 Water Bottles in the Fridge

Ashley Banks (C ‘20) really wants to save money this semester.


OP-ED: Choosing Your Child's Major is a Personal Decision—There's No Need to Rush

College is a time full of endless possibilities. It’s very understandable if you’re feeling a little overwhelmed with all of the choices your child must navigate. 


Wow! 18-Year-Old's Cutting OP-ED Sure to Keep Penn Admins Up at Night

Irene Sard (C ‘21) doesn’t hold her punches.


Anxious Chemistry Professor Single-Handedly Drains Entire Department Chalk Budget

According to her colleagues, Dr. Caroline Jameston is the right hand of Penn’s chemistry department. Unfortunately, her colleagues would also note that Dr. Jameston’s right hand “will probably bankrupt us in a few years.”


Penn Ranked Fourth Worldwide for Innovation, Producing 20 Million Gallons of It Per Year

After holding our own in the US News Rankings, we managed to make a huge leap in another major college ranking: the Reuters Most Innovative Universities list.


Student Planning to Take 8 C.U. Rescued By Administration, Now Only Taking 7.5

Alex Sanson (E ’20) doesn’t know when to stop. This deranged triple major has run amuck on the PennInTouch course selection page, slurping up courses like a tactless warthog at a buffet. But the madness ends today.


New CIS Course Prepares Students to Be Devoured By Oncoming Robot Overlords

Penn’s CIS department prides itself on anticipating industry trends and preparing its students to lead the technological world of tomorrow. So when department chair Vikram Singh announced the creation of CIS 435, students were eager to see what was in store for their field of study. The course, formally titled “Technological Citizenship: Preparing Yourself to be Eaten by the Robot Uprising,” will be available to students this spring.


Oboe Prodigy Plans to Graduate by Taking 72 Half-Credit Music Lessons

Curt Curtis (C ‘22) had a single dream growing up. Recognized at the age of two for his precocious musical ability, Curt found himself on track to be the greatest oboe player of our generation. But it all fell apart when Curt (who had his name legally changed at the age of seven) received a rejection letter from the Curtis Institute of Music. Bitter and defeated, he settled for Penn.


Soon to be Failing Freshman Bothered that A+'s Count as Much as A's

When Jamie Chen’s (C ‘22) high school friends told her that grades weren’t a substitute for a personality, she took it as a challenge. Set to enter Penn with a perfect transcript, Chen noticed something horrifically disturbing about the University’s grading policy.


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