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Srinivas Mandyam


Articles

Student's Superiority and Inferiority Complexes Oscillating Fast Enough to Produce Constant Contentment

While many of his peers are caught in the trap of either being so confident that they misjudge everything or being so insecure that they can barely get out of bed in the morning, Mung found the perfect solution.


From the Class of '04: Amy, You Said We Were Your Favorite Class at Convocation

We kept on, knowing that we were being tested because we were special, that we were the culmination of 263 of failed attempts at perfection.


Oops! Junior Misses Hey Day, Has to Repeat College

Per university policy, Kroll was immediately re-enrolled as a freshman. A College Office staffer commented that “the administration believes Hey Day is so irrevocably entwined with the Junior Experience™ that any student who misses it can hardly be allowed to be called a Penn student at all.”


Clever! Senior Redacts 65% of Final Paper

That’s why, when it came time to submit his final report for PSCI 237 (The Science of Why Political Science Is a Science, We Swear), Moller knew that he had to do something creative. His report was a mess, and there was no time to edit.


Wow! Penn Astronomy Beats Light Pollution, Announces First Ever Picture of Moon

With the light and smog from downtown, you can barely catch anything. That’s why this moon sighting is so, so crucial.


OP-ED: Men with Gigantic Backpacks Can’t Take All the Space in the Classroom

Why, when most of us are content with small packs that fit within our frame, do some insist on carrying around monstrous sacks that do little but obstruct?


Feel Old Yet? Class of 2023 Too Young to Remember Moon Landing

The children of this second age will never know the realities of the first or the pathos of its end. When we greet the University’s two hundred sixty sixth class in the coming fall, we must be mindful of this.


"I Hate My Life" Complains Student Experiencing Best 4 Years of Her Life

Despite living minutes from her friends, enjoying her first experiences with drugs and alcoholic substances, and being at the highest level of fitness she will ever achieve, Raymond is often found angrily tweeting about her situation.


Penn Admissions Officers Retire en Masse to Avoid 10 Years of Reading Oscar Hopefuls’ Essays

We’ll probably have to close Engineering and Nursing and just dump the endowment on Cinema Studies.


OP-ED: All Penn Alumni Should Put Their Kids up for Adoption

Many believe that the bond between parent and child is sacred and foundational to our society. However, this sort of myopic, me-first viewpoint endangers the very bedrock of equality and justice.


Average SAT Admit Score Jumps to 3750 Following Announcement of Fact Checking Policy

This impressive figure surely comes as a relief to the Admissions department after they embarrassingly disclosed that they’re unable to fact-check most applications.


Wholesome! Entire Friend Group Pretending to Be Sad and Stressed to Make Friend Feel Better

We convinced him that we’re all going to be somewhere between homeless and disowned after graduation. I think Mattie’s got this great story about a felony conviction.


25 Percent of Students Eat at Franklin's Table. Penn Should Cover Costs.

I didn’t even realize how big a deal it was until I saw everyone else carrying those tenderly mass-produced DK bento boxes around campus. 


'I Hate Glass Ceilings' Notes Student Who Spends Free Time Calling Amy Gutmann a Robot

Sammie Tomson (C ‘19) is committed to shattering artificial barriers to success. She’s also deeply dedicated to exposing Dr. Amy Gutmann for the fraud she is.


Prank Stabbing in Fisher Fine Arts Just Leads to Irritated Shushing Noises

Last Friday, visitors to the Fisher Fine Arts Library found themselves at the center of a terrifying confrontation.


'Take Your Professor to Lunch' Victim? Popular Professor's Diet is Now 85% Pod Sushi

Most professors covet a 4.0 rating on Penn Course Review. Dr. Eric Malor wishes he could get rid of his.


'I Feel Like I Peaked in High School' Complains Student Who Peaked in Middle School

Starved of validation for the first time in her life, she’s beginning to wonder how much she really deserves to be at Penn.


OP-ED: I'm Passionate About Math, Unless I Get a B on This Midterm

Really, you just need to put yourself out there. Try new things! As long as you can keep your 4.0, the world’s your oyster.


Meal Prep God! Girl Puts 7 Water Bottles in the Fridge

Ashley Banks (C ‘20) really wants to save money this semester.


OP-ED: Choosing Your Child's Major is a Personal Decision—There's No Need to Rush

College is a time full of endless possibilities. It’s very understandable if you’re feeling a little overwhelmed with all of the choices your child must navigate. 


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