Wow! Boy Manages to Fall in Love With Entirety of Bloomers All at Once
October 19, 2018 at 5:35 pm
In a move that surprised literally no one, yet another boy has caught feelings for every member of Bloomers. Alex Huang (C ‘20) is one of many “Bloomers Bros,” the fan club of boys who would do anything it takes to win a date with a member of the all-female sketch comedy group. Past Bloomers Bros members have included award-winning singer John Legend and even self-proclaimed honorary Bloomers drummer Noam Chomsky.
Huang states that his adoration for Bloomers began freshman year, when he went to a show and “saw them [Bloomers] perform a cover of ‘Mr. Brightside’ with lyrics set to the plot of Oedipus Rex.” After his first encounter with the group of “beautiful, incredible, and low-key intimidating girls,” he was “instantly in love with every member— cast, crew, writers, and male drummer included.”
Huang and the Bloomers Bros are not part of a cult following for the comedy group. According to one UTB survey, 99% of Penn students, including several cast members themselves, indicated that Bloomers members are over 17 times more attractive than the average Penn student, surpassed only by buff dental students with six-figure job offers upon graduation.
UTB asked several Bloomers members about the obsession surrounding their organization. One new member admits that she knows "femininity and popularity aren’t competitions or anything, but if they were, Bloomers would be, like, totally be winning.”
Band Director Becs Hambright (C ‘19) reported that “shows sell out in less than six seconds, but Bloomers typically reserves several seats for President Gutmann and Dean Furda,” who are reportedly huge fans of Bloomers. “Last year, President Gutmann donated to have a message put in the program that said ‘Go Becs! I love you, my favorite daughter!’” Hambright said. “I’ve literally never met her in my life, but I’m glad that she’s enjoying the show!”