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So You’ve Been Sexually Awakened After Meeting Your BFF’s DILFy Dad at Family Weekend. Now What?


Photo by Nietjuh / CC0

Forget Stacy’s mom! Stacy’s dad is really the one who’s got it goin’ on. Actually, it’s your best friend Lindsey’s dad, and now whenever you think of him you get an indescribable feeling that can only be compared to watching Full House’s Uncle Jesse as an adolescent.

Your parents weren’t able to make the 40-minute drive from Jersey since they just had sooo much housework to do. You decided to third-wheel Lindsey and her fam to get a few free meals and potentially some words of affirmation reminding yourself that you’re valued and loved. But just some free food would be fine, too.

Strolling with Lindsey to meet her parents for brunch at White Dog, that’s when you saw him: that tall, silver fox sporting a Barbour jacket, Ray Bans, and your heart. Feeling weak in the knees and sweaty in the palms, you wobbled over to Bill before outstretching your arm to shake his hand. 

Visions of you and Bill started twinkling in your mind: you and Bill wine tasting in Napa, you and Bill snuggling in the Quad as black mold forms halos above your heads, you and Bill sunbathing in the Bahamas, you and Bill champagne ‘n shackled. When you snapped back to reality, Bill was worriedly yelling your name, mentioning his credentials if you needed medical help. You silently and dazedly smirked while shaking your head. 

“I’ve entered womanhood,” you thought.

For the remainder of the weekend, you continued third-wheeling, reminding yourself to breathe when Bill shot a glance your way. What about now? Bill is on his way back to New York, you’re left in a sea of immature “men,” and you can’t look at Lindsey without thinking of her sexy father.

Not sure what to tell you! This is a tough situation. Hopefully you’ll figure it out!