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Close Call! Freshman Makes It To Sink To Throw Up


 Photo from Pixino / CC0 

Quite the scene unfolded in Speakman 207 this weekend as Kate Lorenz (W ’22) returned home from a night of partying. Quietly sneaking past her sleeping roommate and into bed, Lorenz thought she was tucked in for the night. 

But as soon as her head hit the pillow, the excessive amount of Bankers and Wawa mac in her stomach went to work, ushering Lorenz out of bed and out the front door. Thankfully, the bathroom was only seven doors down — the ideal location for any late-night vomiter. She truly believed she could make it. 

However, when the fluorescent hallway lights hit her, Lorenz knew there was no time. 

Back in the door, eyes darting around the room, Lorenz quickly identified her options: a cheap, Ikea wire-frame trash can with no bag, a fluffy grey area rug also from Ikea, fuck it, maybe just prop the window open and yak through the screen — sieve style. 

At the last minute, Lorenz realized her saving grace. The Sink. In swift, heroic motion, Lorenz flung herself in front of the bowl and got an impressive 70% of the vomit down the drain. The rest ended up around the rim, but, hey, no one asked her roommate to leave her toothbrush there. 

Proud of herself for handling the situation with such maturity, Lorenz climbed back into bed for a good night’s sleep. She did make it back to her room after all. 

UTB caught up with Lorenz’s roommate, who issued the following statement: “I mean, I guess I’m glad she didn’t yak on any of my stuff, but it stills smells disgusting in here”. After speaking with the front desk, Lorenz was informed she'd have to wait three days before maintenance could unclog the sink.