Amy Gutmann Reportedly Spending Up to 3 Hours Daily Practicing High Five
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November 19, 2018 at 5:40 pm
Under the Button has confirmed reports that Penn President Amy Gutmann spends up to three hours per day perfecting her high-five.
A source close to the President—authenticated by UTB’s vigorous fact checking department—said that Gutmann will “take a sharpie, trace her hand shape onto a mirror, and just keep high fiving it until the glass breaks.”
Gutmann herself said, “I’m always learning from the students here at Penn. Just the other day I found out you can tell a ‘high five’ is ‘solid’ when there's a clapping sound, but in in the absence of sound, or the individuals miss, the high five is ‘wack.’ I’m proud to say that my time at the University has been marked by many clapping sounds.”
In a recent email to Penn students, Gutmann also announced that, in anticipation of Thanksgiving break, she will be open to "turkeying" with students.
“My understanding of the ‘turkey’ is that one individual bumps a fist against the open palm of another, but the other was in fact expecting a reciprocated palm. It's like when we raise tuition on students year after year—a real ‘gotcha!’ move.”