How to Heal Yourself After You Said Hi to Someone Wearing Noise-Cancelling Headphones

There may be no form of trauma that upends our sense of self like saying hi on Locust Walk to someone wearing noise-cancelling headphones. The pain of saying hello loudly enough for passersby to hear, so they can all watch you get ignored, cuts so deep that it can feel like you will never recover.

But, there is a way.

First, run. Bolt from the scene. Immediately sprint away, so that the person who ignored you and everyone else does not have time to register your face.

Second, sue Bose. Lawyer up and hit them with everything you’ve got. Make them pay. Demand reparations for how their QuietComfort noise-cancelling technology hurt you. 

Third, stop saying hi. Adopt a mood of cold stoicism. Stare at your feet. Avoid eye contact. Be an unreachable island, far out at sea. Do not let yourself be hurt again.

Fourth, draw a hot bath. Light a balsam-and-clove scented candle. Alexa, play Barry White. Let the hot suds whisk your pain away. Sink into the water. Sink deeper and deeper. Flow down the drain, through the pipes, into the sewers. Live down there. Make a life for yourself under the city. Disappear. Never resurface.