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'I Feel Like I Peaked in High School' Complains Student Who Peaked in Middle School


Photo from PxHere / CC0

Ally Lampfort (C ‘22) has been having a rough freshman year. Starved of validation for the first time in her life, she’s beginning to wonder how much she really deserves to be at Penn.

“It’s hard,” she sighed to our reporter. “I was so promising in high school: I was the smartest, most athletic person in my friend group. Everyone said so. But now?”

We decided to dig deeper and interview Lampfort’s childhood friends.

“Yeah, I dunno,” one noted. “She was smart and all, but she clearly started phoning it in around 10th grade. Guess you can only coast so far, huh?”

“But wow,” another commented. “She was crazy talented in 7th grade. I mean, I guess she’d probably still pass for a pretty good middle schooler, so some things haven’t changed.”

“Oh, she used to work so hard,” noted her mother wistfully. “She made the best macaroni art anyone had ever seen.”

“Fourth grade,” she sighed, “fourth grade was something special.”