University Honor Council Spotted Stalking Terrified CIS Freshman Like Sharks Circling a Wounded Tuna

Late Thursday night, just hours before HW07 — PennPals was due, the University Honor Council was reportedly seen stalking an unnamed, terrified prospective CIS major like a school of sharks circling a wounded tuna.

According to its website, the Honor Council “is an undergraduate student body that promotes academic integrity and honorable conduct in the Penn community.” 

According to an eyewitness, however, the Honor Council “resembled a clan of hyenas, closely tracking the trail of an abandoned, limping gazelle fawn.”

“They followed him into Towne, then seemed to disappear after he put his name on the office hours queue,” the eyewitness reported. “But at one point, he almost turned to his neighbor with a question, and the Honor Council resurfaced like a pod of orcas preparing to tip an iceberg and send an exhausted seal into their waiting jaws. They retreated after he suddenly turned back to his computer, packed up, and fled back to the Quad like a young wildebeest returning to its pack after an ambush.”

A 2016 report by the University revealed the CIS department filed the most academic integrity violations, school-wide.