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Overachieving Friend Somehow Better at Self-Loathing Too


Photos (with edits by Belinda Liu) from Pexels / CC0

In a surprising turn of events, local Engineering junior Samantha Fontaine demonstrated her remarkable competence at self-loathing during last night’s study group meeting, despite her impressive resume.

“It’s kind of refreshing that someone as accomplished as Samantha can feel the same sort of things as normal, regular folk like me,” said Adam Salk, a member of her study group. “Like disappointment or fear, even a crushing sense of mediocrity. But, characteristically, she seems to have a higher aptitude for feeling them than regular folk.”

Samantha is an executive board member of seven different clubs and plays varsity sports when she isn’t busy with final round interviews and TA-ing three CBE classes.

“I just don’t understand,” said Jessica Thompson, another friend of Samantha’s. “I’m not sure how she manages to find the inspiration to submit herself to an introspective flogging like the rest of us, especially when, like, the sorts of things I hate myself for not accomplishing are the sorts of things that she has actually accomplished. It’s amazing to me to see her overcome her many abilities and talents to completely denigrate herself like some commoner.”

Samantha could not be reached for comment, as she had to rush from her weekly volunteer service to her scheduled 15-minute sob in the dark.