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Choose Your Own Adventure: Will You Fuck Jeff From Writing Sem?

Photo by Carson Kahoe / The Daily Pennsylvanian

“OMG!” you shriek ecstatically. “My dream come true!” You run into the atrium, fumbling for your phone in your pocket. In your haste you trip over several shackled skeletons but you catch yourself before you fall into a puddle of fresh blood. “P-president Gutmann,” you gasp between heaving breaths, “I’m such a huge fan, PLEASE, we have to get a selfie!” 

Amy G. lights up, her face a beaming smile. “Of course, but you have to do me a little favor first.” She places a motherly hand on your shoulder and points to Jeff. “Do you see Jeff right there? Well, he’s the Antichrist. And if you want me to finish the ritual that’ll maintain my immortality and this flawless skin, someone needs to fuck him.” She turns to you and puts her other hand on your shoulder. “I’m not saying that you have to fuck Jeff, but I am saying that it would be nice if you did.” 

You nod in understanding. “For you Amy, I would do anything.”

“Great!” says Amy G., clapping her hands together in delight. I’ll just… step out and give you guys your privacy and then we can take that selfie. Let me know when you’re done.” Amy gives you a pat on the back, and quickly retreats into the darkness. You turn to Jeff and get to work. 

Congratulations, you fucked Jeff from Writing Sem AND preserved President Gutmann’s reign over this university for another 1,000 years!

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