Choose Your Own Adventure: Will You Fuck Jeff From Writing Sem?

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Photo by Ceaphas Stubbs / The Daily Pennsylvanian

As you turn and start to make a break for it, a gigantic, hulking shadow blocks your way. You gasp. The Penn Quaker shambles towards you, taking enormous, rattling breaths. You shriek, and run into the atrium, right into the benevolent arms of Amy Gutmann. 

“Hello, you,” purrs Amy into your ear as she gently strokes your arm. “So glad you could join us.” She steps away, and to your horror you discover that she’s slipped a shackle over your wrist without you noticing. “Now,” says Amy smirking villainously, “Why don’t you tell us everything you know about the plot to sabotage my campaign for wellness.”

Sweat collects on your brow. “I — I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you whisper nervously. 

Amy narrows her eyes. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” From behind you hear deep, ragged breathing. An enormous, fuzzy hand descends upon your shoulder, and looking up you find yourself staring into the demonic baby blues of the Penn Quaker. Amy’s quiet voice slithers into your ear drums. “We have ways to make you talk…”

You let out a piercing scream.

  1. Wake up

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