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Fossil Free Penn Demands Santa Divest from Coal


Photo by Julio Sosa / The Daily Pennsylvanian

Fossil Free Penn has a new target in its sights: Santa. 

“For too long we've allowed Santa to be the most vocal spokesperson for fossil fuels,” yelled College junior Caroline Erickson at a sit-in protest. “If he is so committed to giving naughty children an energy source, why not give them a windmill?

In a press release, Fossil Free Penn stated the following demands.

Santa Should:

1. Stop new investments in coal mines.

2. Remove all holdings in coal mining companies before the heat death of the universe. 

3. Reinvest a portion of extricated funds into a universal healthcare system for the elves.

UTB contacted Santa, but he declined to disclose the exact composition of his coal holdings.