Fossil Free Penn Demands Santa Divest from Coal
Fossil Free Penn has a new target in its sights: Santa.
“For too long we've allowed Santa to be the most vocal spokesperson for fossil fuels,” yelled College junior Caroline Erickson at a sit-in protest. “If he is so committed to giving naughty children an energy source, why not give them a windmill?”
In a press release, Fossil Free Penn stated the following demands.
Santa Should:
1. Stop new investments in coal mines.
2. Remove all holdings in coal mining companies before the heat death of the universe.
3. Reinvest a portion of extricated funds into a universal healthcare system for the elves.
UTB contacted Santa, but he declined to disclose the exact composition of his coal holdings.
