Visiting Lecturer, The Boss Baby to Teach MGMT 248 in the Fall
Demand for the class is expected to be very high. Wharton sophomore Charlie Kurtis-Thompson said “I heard rumors Alec Baldwin will make a regular appearance.”
Will Hooper
Quiz: What Does the FMC on FMC Tower Really Stand For?
Under The Button staffers have discovered not a single person in the Penn Bubble knows what FMC stands for. As a result, Provost Wendell Pritchett has decided to officially rename the building, but he needs your help to decide.
Visiting Lecturer, The Boss Baby to Teach MGMT 248 in the Fall
Demand for the class is expected to be very high. Wharton sophomore Charlie Kurtis-Thompson said “I heard rumors Alec Baldwin will make a regular appearance.”
Class Board Presents: Some Vague Event, but There Will Be Food
Are you ready for the most important part of your [INSERT CLASS YEAR HERE] yet?
Quiz: What Does the FMC on FMC Tower Really Stand For?
Under The Button staffers have discovered not a single person in the Penn Bubble knows what FMC stands for. As a result, Provost Wendell Pritchett has decided to officially rename the building, but he needs your help to decide.
Sick! Guy in Front of You Has Night Mode for Excel Turned On
Seems like Ole Maxy forgot to come back to the land of the living after pulling an all-nighter working on his valuation of Toys R Us.
New Research Says Minimum Wage Should Be Tied to Price of Vladimir Vodka
People from all political walks of life have decried the $7.50 an hour minimum wage. Finally, some concrete evidence has come to support an increase.
Student with 6 Hour Layover Ready to Kill His Poly Sci Midterm After CNN Binge
UTB did the math and plugged the amount of subtitles that Chiren read into our proprietary algorithm. We determined it was exactly equivalent to the 350 pages of reading that he was supposed to do instead.
Heartbreaking: New UTB Writer Discovers Nobody Reads Beyond the Headline of Articles
Are you telling me that not a single person made it to page 52 of my long-form satire from last week?
Life Tip! Name Your Child Steinberg-Dietrich If You Want Them to Have a Building That's Named After Them
It is hypothesized that if everyone were named Steinberg-Dietrich, the class system would collapse, as no one would be able to tell who the real Steiny-D is.
Kanye Names His Child New College House West
Apparently, the Kendall Jenner spotting at City Tap really made quite the impression on campus, and Kanye was thrilled at the news that Penn had decided to name a whole College House after his unborn son.
OP-ED: I’m Taking Presidents Day off Because It’s What Van Buren Would Have Wanted
Martin Van Buren might have had his birthday back in December, but that's no excuse for me not to skip my 9 a.m. on Monday.
Sophomore Pleads 5th Amendment in Class After Not Doing Readings
Tensions were running at an all-time high when College sophomore Suzie Reyes chose not to do the readings for her LGST 100 class.
Without a Super Bowl Parade, Students Are Just Taking Wednesday Off
No Super Bowl? No problem. Meet the innovative students who plan to straight up skip classes on Wednesday.
Penn InTouch to Hire When2meet as Consultants in Redesign Process
We recognize that PennInTouch has been a little outdated ever since its inception, so we are turning it over to the experts that really pioneered website design. The green and the pink of the availability chart just complement each other so well, and we want to bring this award-winning design to PennInTouch.
Fossil Free Penn Demands Santa Divest from Coal
“For too long we've allowed Santa to be the most vocal spokesperson for fossil fuels,” yelled College junior Caroline Erickson at a sit-in protest.
Smirnoff to Make Handle-Sized Ice
In a press release today, Smirnoff announced it would be making a larger serving size of its popular drink, the Ice.
OP-ED: Mom, I Swear I Tripped and That's Why There is a Circular Bruise on My Neck
Yes Mom, these bruises on my neck are from when I fell down the stairs of my apartment building.
Meet the Wharton Grads Who Turned Down Wall Street to Launch Their Promising Startup 'Toys Were We'
“This is a unique business model. Currently, there is not a single store trying to do what we are doing.”
Student’s Political Ideology Completely Changed After One Conversation With Drunk Uncle at Thanksgiving
All hell broke loose when the topic of the trade war came up.
Commons Replaces All Plates with Zoo-Pals, Still Runs Out
Zoo-Pals, the beloved paper plates that double as friends, pair perfectly with the sophisticated, sometimes-good cuisine served up at Commons.
Wharton Sophomore Proudly Declares No Need to Go East of Steiny-D Ever Again
Wharton sophomore Aguistin Latimer always wanted a small campus vibe.
