5 Laptop Stickers to Show Everyone Just How Intellectual You Are
Photo by Kelly MacGarrigle / Under the ButtonCredit: Kelly MacGarrigle
February 27, 2019 at 4:13 am
So, you've decided to give in and get a shiny sleek new laptop, which you will only ever actually use for Facebook, email, and online shopping. What an interesting and novel use of a machine that represents the pinnacle of human technological achievement paired with superior design and portability.
Now that you have your laptop, the most important thing to do (before getting around the boring stuff, like creating an account, downloading apps, or even turning it on) is cover it with your life's story. Otherwise, how will people know just how intellectual you are?
But there's so many options out there — should you put a Penn Dems sticker despite the fact you haven't ever been to a GBM? Or maybe you want a sticker proudly proclaiming your hometown for the benefit of that guy sitting across from you in VP trying to log into your bank account.
Luckily, at UTB, we have devised a highly scientific method of determining which laptop stickers toe the line between being an obnoxious braggart and a saintly intellectual. Our methods employ the same level of scientific rigor used by the Puritans in the witch hunts of the 1600s.
1. The Political Sticker
How could any reasonable person call themselves politically active without at least one political sticker? Whether its Penn Dems (boring), Penn Republicans (lil spicier), Penn Socialists (little weird for a Wharton Student, but ok), or Penn I Don't Actually Care or Do Anything Political Beyond Watching John Oliver Specials (best option), you need to let everyone know exactly how much you care. How else could you show your participation in the democratic process? By actually voting? Puh-lease.
2. The Indie Art Exhibit/Music Show/Tiny Bar/Whatever That Your Friend Chad Left Lying Around
If you don't have indie clout of your own, store bought is fine. Or, if you don't want to buy it, we're sure Chad left something out on the counter — after all, he has shoulder length hair, so he's probably into some really weird stuff that would look perfectly niche on your laptop.
3. Sorority/Fraternity Letters
You don't even need to be in Greek life for this to work. Just hang around freshman dorms during big-little week, and you'll be able to scam some free sticky bois from the freshman who leave their doors open for most of the day. If anyone questions why you're there, say you're her big. If they question further, start chanting greek letters until they go away.
4. A Phrase in Latin, To Show Cultum You Are
Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre? Or, Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
The only people who would know differently are Classics majors, and who cares what they think?
5. A Picture Showing Your Net Worth
When all else fails, just go back to what you know that others will appreciate.