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Annenberg Running Club Catches Infamous Drug Lord in Serbia


Photo, with edits by Sammy Gordon, by U.S. National Archives / Public Domain and Thomas Guest / CC BY 2.0

After a local criminal was recently brought to justice by the Annenberg running club, the organization has launched an international bounty hunting service. Their most recent catch in this venture was that of infamous Serbian drug lord Matija Nicolić, best known for the recent assassinations of Austrian royalty and the transport of over 15,000 metric tons of cocaine throughout Europe. 

In an interview with Under the Button, the leader of Annenberg Running Club communications professor Lee Despereaux said, “This is just what we do now. After catching that local criminal, we were ready to take on a larger challenge, and that’s exactly what we did.” Throughout our interview, Despereaux licked what appeared to be blood off of a large machete, which, according to the professor, “has severed its fair share of drug lord limbs.”

Nicolić has evaded authorities for decades, and it is believed that crimes related to his cartel account for 80 percent of all crimes in Eastern Europe. 

“Yeah, I think we’re gonna bring our team back into the U.S. for our next catch,” said Despereaux. “We were pretty disappointed when the FBI got to Roger Stone before us, so we’re setting our sights on some high level D.C. affiliates right now.” Despereaux mouthed the words “Brett Kavanaugh” before winking at us and jumping through a nearby window.