Under the Button is part of a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.

Mental Health Fail! I Literally Can't Stop Crying


Photo by Geoff Stearns / CC BY 2.0

A new study from the University of Pennsylvania conclusively proves that I literally cannot stop tears from flowing down my cheeks.

Researchers found that the stress of finding an internship, getting a good GPA, and maintaining a social life has just become too much.

It conclusively proved that even this article is a thinly veiled call for help and that I’m getting tired of writing in the third person, and even more tired of the unending stream of salty water pouring out of my eyes.

What am I even doing with my life, man. I thought I was such hot shit in high school. Top of my class, going to an Ivy League school. Am I ever gonna live up to everyone’s expectations of me?

This whole thing is such a scam. I’m paying $60k a year just to cry for hours on end, day in and day out. Anyone have a small fire they need help putting out? I’m your guy. Whether I'm in class, at home, at happy hour, or literally anywhere else, you can always find a steady and powerful stream of water flowing out of my hyperactive tear ducts.

To top it all off, I’m in the College, so I don’t even get free printing.