Mom, Can You Pick Me Up? There’s No Alcohol at This Party

Hey mom, it’s me. I know you’re across the country, but can you come get me? There aren’t any kids drinking alcohol at this party. 

I thought it was just going to be a fun relaxed night of binge drinking, but instead they found old video games in the basement, and now the night seems like it’s going to be really wholesome. 

I thought Jamie was my friend and was going to force me to take three shots, but instead now she is saying I should take better care of myself. I don’t feel like I can trust anyone here. 

Anyway, see you soon, love you, and if you don’t mind bringing me a keg that would be awesome.