Poser Alert: This Dude Rocking Vans Doesn't Even Listen To Tame Impala

When Sebastian Carlisle’s (C ‘21) tattered pair of Old Skool Vans first peak through the doorway of his English recitation, every person in the classroom immediately felt as if they have been put on notice. Penn students are known for being pretty lame in the grand scheme of things, so it was absolutely shocking to see a certified skater boi show his face on campus. Airpods in ear, Sebastian strode to the open chair in the back row with a confidence that can only be described as “Big Influencer Energy.” Everyone thought this guy was someone with a radio show actually worth listening to.

As the pins adorning his denim jacket glittered under the harsh fluorescent light everyone in class immediately started thinking about how life changing it would be to have Sebastian as a friend, fantasizing about the Fishtown scene that he must be the undisputed king of. As he took a seat and opened Spotify to pause his music, the tension in the room was palpable. This guy had to be the curator for the indie version of Rap Caviar, which you obviously aren’t cool enough to know about. 

Wait what, it sounds like he's listening to “7 rings” on loop. And now he's whistling “Mo Bamba” to himself. Has this dude even heard “Chamber of Reflection?” Does he even smoke American Spirits? Oh shit, now he’s sending someone a puppy filter Snapchat with the caption “thinking about u.” He probably thinks Rihanna was the one who came up with “Same Ol’ Mistakes.” What a goddamn joke.