Quiz: Did a Frat Star Punch a Hole in Your Wall, or Was It a Tiny Mr. Kool Aid Man?
Photo by Chris Dlugosz / CC BY 2.0
February 20, 2019 at 11:28 pm
Here's the scenario: after throwing an absolutely bangin' mixer last night, you come downstairs to assess the carnage. It's all sunshine and roses (and beer bottles and vomit) until you see a crater in your drywall. Shit! Your landlord is not going to want to hear about it after that zucchini incident last November. If it were a frat boy, you can track him down and Venmo charge that bitch, but if it were a tiny Mr. Kool Aid man bursting forth through your wall, you might be shit out of luck. Take this quiz to find out:
How high up is the hole?
a. Roughly shoulder high for a heavyweight rower or sprint football star
b. A few inches off the ground
How large is the hole?
a. Huge, bruh! You know what they say about big hands...
b. Average size and shape for a small Mr. Kool Aid's curvy physique
Was there water or an alternative hydrating beverage at your party?
a. Of course — I followed the task force's guidelines. Hydrate or die-drate!
b. What am I, a pussy? Bankers is the only beverage you need for a perfect night.
Who said "oh yeah" last night?
a. A BUNCH of girls, bro, if you know what I'm saying.
b. I don't know, but it sounded a bit like a higher-pitched version of the Mr. Kool Aid man, almost as if he were shrunken down and forced his way through my wall to offer thirst-quenching goodness to my guests.
If you answered mostly (a), it's time to do some sleuthing or just Venmo charge everyone in your fraternity and hope they send money from daddy's plastic without reading the caption.
If you answered mostly (b), shell out that repair money and buy yourself a water bottle. Remember: when it comes to signs of dehydration, thirst is first!