How to Walk down Locust so Everyone Knows You’re from New York
March 27, 2019 at 9:24 am
Ah, Locust Walk. The highway of University City. Traffic can be a nightmare, but luckily, you’re from the city that never sleeps. Here are some tips for making it to DRL in a breeze while never letting anyone near you forget your heritage.
Constantly scan for openings for you to fill in the crowd, even if it means cutting between a professor and their child they brought to campus for the day.
Make sure you mentally note that “no one knows how to walk here, they wouldn’t last one day in MY city.”
Remember how you refused to take a flyer from that guy in Times Square? Apply the same logic for any groups selling tickets. Then get offended when they don’t actually offer you any.
If you’re walking with a friend, be sure to tell them about that time you made it from 57th and 3rd to 34th and 8th in under 20 minutes.
Never walk on Walnut, because even though it would be faster and a more pleasant experience, no one would be able to admire your pedestrian navigation skills.
Now, everyone will know that you're a real New Yorker. Or an asshole. But what's the difference, really?